The plan after work was to eat, do laundry, finish up Emmerdale and get started on Corrie. Maybe write. Get to bed early because I’m going to a Sephora event early.

What did I do?

I ate. Way too much I fell asleep. I woke up just to change the channel and fall back asleep.

Nothing got done.

I’m trying to keep my fingers busy because I don’t want to mindlessly snack. I’m not hungry.

I know this but my brain is like, “You are watching television, you must snack!” No brain! NO! I’m not hungry. I have water and I need to keep my fingers busy.

So…expect a lot of random meta thoughts on Robron and comments of what I’ve been thinking about today.

Maybe…JUST MAYBE…that damn outline for the sequel to Committed might get written. MAYBE.

I’m feeling super ugly, stupid and gross.

*looks at my calender*

OH.

I want to get married. I want to marry my best friend that will have my back and call me out when I’m being an ass. Crack me up when I’m sad and make me face my feelings. I’ll do the same for him.

Where the hell is he then?

WHY CAN’T I WRITE ANYTHING??!?!

NOT EVEN FLUFF. FLUFF IS STUCK, MY FRIENDS. MYSTERY IS STUCK. MY BRAIN IS STUCK.

Today is Friday.

I have significant plans for tonight after work.

I’m getting a pizza. Getting into comfy pajamas. I am doing a face mask. I am catching up on Emmerdale. I will be writing a big week in review. For all five of you. I’m doing laundry and then picking out my clothes because I’m up early to take my mom to the car doctor aka dealership to fix a few things.

Still…I’m living for Friday night.

NOTICE

For some reason Tumblr is going around blocking accounts I talk to on the regular, so if you talk to me all the time and out of nowhere I “blocked” you find a way to let me know because this is fracked up!

I’m not happy with my body. I’ve gained most of what I lost two years ago. I know I can do better. I need to get healthier. I want to be healthier. I need a plan of action. Something needs to change. Soon.

I am leaving these thoughts here so I can get them to leave my brain and then I can do better. I don’t need sympathy or people giving me side-eyes. I just needed to yell into the void.

I wish everyone a lovely day. I’m in pain and hungry but I have a cold brew so all will be ok.

I have moments today where I feel ready and calm for the new life that I’m entering into. Then I have mini moments of panic, stomach-turning, and anxiety. Then it goes back into calm.

I’m going to need my body to chill out now. Like, pick an emotion and let me hand that emotion body. That’s all I ask. For my sanity.