So…here is a story I’d like to share. 

When I was in graduate school (ages ago), I screwed up.  The final leg of the program required me to pick two topics out of 10. I had to write two 30 page papers on those two topics in a month. Then a few weeks of a blind review. Once I passed that I had to defend these papers to a panel of five professors and someone from the board. 

I made it through the blind review. I did the defense (I almost passed out from the stress) and waited for the response. Found out I didn’t pass. I had one more chance next semester to do it all over again. 

I felt broken. Dumb and broken. So, I waited for the new semester to start. I wasn’t working at the time and feeling sorry for myself. The kid who never went to class passed for fuck’s sake. I felt useless. Stupid.  *that’s what played in my head after I got the offending email* 

I started staying up late. Watching garbage tv. Doing nothing. One day I came across a show on Netflix called “Coupling.”  It made me laugh and forget for 30 minutes at a stretch how I was feeling. 

That’s when it started. Every day at 11pm, I’d pour myself a glass of scotch, get comfy on the couch and begin another episode of Coupling. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t good. However, at the moment, it helped me focus, forget what was going on and relax my mind. As the summer went on, I started to regroup with every special night with Coupling and my one glass of scotch.  

The summer ended and my second chance began. I freaked…those old feelings coming to the surface. I had special once a week sessions with Coupling again (minus the scotch) to calm my nerves. I worked hard. I tried to look at every angle. Tried to learn from my mistakes. 

This time…I made it through. Passed. Approved. Graduated. 

What is the point of this?

After the past week at work and in America. Hearing what that orange asshole and his little friends had to say today…I’m sitting here. On my couch. Glass of scotch in my hand. My favorite episode of Coupling on the television screen. My brain hurts, and a lot of bad feelings are coming up again. Here is to my old stand-by working still. Helping me think straight…again. 

Lesson: Take a moment. Calm yourself. Do/watch something that makes you happy. Cook. Clean. Watch bad reality tv. Just…take a moment. Regroup. Fight again tomorrow. 

 (Coupling is now on HULU if anyone wants to join me. If you are already a fan of the show…Patrick and Sally FOREVER.)